Dit is de webstek van Aragog en haar familie, vrienden en beessies. Hier komt (bijna) elke dag een stukje over wat wij hier in Drenthe meemaken.
Posts tonen met het label Grapjes. Alle posts tonen
Posts tonen met het label Grapjes. Alle posts tonen
zondag 28 april 2013
maandag 11 juni 2012
donderdag 31 mei 2012
GEZOCHT: VRIJWILLIGERS
Men heeft hiervoor alle mannen in 3 categorieën ingedeeld:
1. Normale lengte (groter dan 15 cm in erecte toestand)
2. Korter dan 15 cm (in erecte toestand)
3. Korter dan 10 cm (in erecte toestand)
Omdat het voor veel mannen moeilijk is om er voor uit te komen dat de lengte van hun penis onder het gemiddelde is, heeft men een tekort aan deelnemers. Men doet daarom nu de volgende oproep om mannen actief te kunnen benaderen voor deelname aan dit belangrijke onderzoek.
Willen alle mannen met een penislengte van minder dan 15 cm (in erecte toestand) de komende weken rondrijden met één oranje vlaggetje aan hun auto?
En willen alle mannen met een penislengte van minder dan 10 cm (in erecte toestand) de komende weken rondrijden met twee oranje vlaggetjes aan hun auto?
Mannen die helemaal geen erectie kunnen krijgen kunnen dat kenbaar maken door oranje vlaggetjes aan hun woning te hangen.
Alvast heel hartelijk dank voor uw deelname aan dit onderzoek!
zaterdag 24 december 2011
Het Kerstverhaal, anno nu
Infant found in barn - Garda and Social Service alerted
Carpenter from Nazareth and immature mother taken into custody
BETHLEHEM
In the early morning hours, a concerned citizen alerted the authorities. He had discovered a young family that lives in a barn.
Upon arrival the Gardai and the social services found an infant and his 14-year-old mother, a certain Mary H. from Nazareth. The infant was wrapped in strips of cloth and had been laid in a manger.
After the arrest of the mother, a man, later identified as H. Joseph, from Nazareth, was also arrested when he tried to obstruct the social worker. Joseph, supported by shepherds and three unidentifiable foreigners, wanted to prevent the removal of the child, but was stopped by the police.
Also arrested were the three foreigners, who described themselves as "wise men" of an eastern country. Both the Interior Ministry and Customs are searching for clues about the origin of these three men, who are apparently in the country illegally.
A Garda spokeswoman said that they carried no identification, but were in possession of gold, and some were possibly banned substances.
They resisted arrest and claimed that God had told them to go straight to the barn and to avoid any contact with official bodies. The accompanying chemicals were sent for further investigation into the crime lab.
The whereabouts of the infant will not be announced until further notice. A quick clarification of the whole case seems very doubtful. On further inquiries a social worker told at the welfare office: "The father is middle-aged and the mother is definitely not of legal age, we just check with the authorities in Nazareth, in which way the two are related to each other.."
Mary is in the district hospital in Bethlehem on medical and psychiatric examinations. She will be charged of negligence on a later date. Her mental state is closer scrutinized because she claimed to be still a virgin and the infant born of God.
In an official statement the Head of Psychiatry says: "I have no right to tell people what to believe, but if this leads to the belief that - as in this case - a newborn is at risk, you have to classify these people as dangerous. The fact that possible drugs and foreigners were present, does not contribute to creating confidence. I am certain that all persons involved with the incident will get the necessary treatment to be normal members of our society in a few years."
Finally, we have received this info:
The present shepherds steadfastly maintained that a great man in a white gown and carrying wings (!) on his back, told them to go to the barn and pay homage to the infant.
A spokeswoman for the Narcotics Department said: “This is pretty much the dumbest excuse from those stupid junkies I have ever heard.”
Carpenter from Nazareth and immature mother taken into custody
BETHLEHEM
In the early morning hours, a concerned citizen alerted the authorities. He had discovered a young family that lives in a barn.
Upon arrival the Gardai and the social services found an infant and his 14-year-old mother, a certain Mary H. from Nazareth. The infant was wrapped in strips of cloth and had been laid in a manger.
After the arrest of the mother, a man, later identified as H. Joseph, from Nazareth, was also arrested when he tried to obstruct the social worker. Joseph, supported by shepherds and three unidentifiable foreigners, wanted to prevent the removal of the child, but was stopped by the police.
Also arrested were the three foreigners, who described themselves as "wise men" of an eastern country. Both the Interior Ministry and Customs are searching for clues about the origin of these three men, who are apparently in the country illegally.
A Garda spokeswoman said that they carried no identification, but were in possession of gold, and some were possibly banned substances.
They resisted arrest and claimed that God had told them to go straight to the barn and to avoid any contact with official bodies. The accompanying chemicals were sent for further investigation into the crime lab.
The whereabouts of the infant will not be announced until further notice. A quick clarification of the whole case seems very doubtful. On further inquiries a social worker told at the welfare office: "The father is middle-aged and the mother is definitely not of legal age, we just check with the authorities in Nazareth, in which way the two are related to each other.."
Mary is in the district hospital in Bethlehem on medical and psychiatric examinations. She will be charged of negligence on a later date. Her mental state is closer scrutinized because she claimed to be still a virgin and the infant born of God.
In an official statement the Head of Psychiatry says: "I have no right to tell people what to believe, but if this leads to the belief that - as in this case - a newborn is at risk, you have to classify these people as dangerous. The fact that possible drugs and foreigners were present, does not contribute to creating confidence. I am certain that all persons involved with the incident will get the necessary treatment to be normal members of our society in a few years."
Finally, we have received this info:
The present shepherds steadfastly maintained that a great man in a white gown and carrying wings (!) on his back, told them to go to the barn and pay homage to the infant.
A spokeswoman for the Narcotics Department said: “This is pretty much the dumbest excuse from those stupid junkies I have ever heard.”
zondag 30 oktober 2011
dinsdag 4 oktober 2011
SMS afkortingen voor Senioren
De jeugd (en vaak ook al de "oudere jongere") gebruikt veel afkortingen tijdens sms en chat. Het scheelt tijd om in te tikken, en iedereen weet toch wel wat je ermee bedoelt tegenwoordig. Maar nu zijn er ook al speciale afkortingen voor de echte senioren onder ons!
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friends Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
HGBM - Had Good Bowel Movement
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
LWO - Lawrence Welk's On
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
OMSG - Oh My! Sorry, Gas
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WAITT - Who Am I Talking To?
WTFA - Wet the Furniture Again
WTP - Where're the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking in!
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friends Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
HGBM - Had Good Bowel Movement
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
LWO - Lawrence Welk's On
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
OMSG - Oh My! Sorry, Gas
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WAITT - Who Am I Talking To?
WTFA - Wet the Furniture Again
WTP - Where're the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking in!
zaterdag 16 juli 2011
Things you Need to Know
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it)
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(WOW!)
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig)
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy!)
(I'm still not over the pig)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Don't try this at home, maybe at work)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
(Honey, I'm home. What the...?)
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes. Lucky pig! Can you imagine?)
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm.......)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing)
A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder how much the government paid to figure that out)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that)
Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that, too)
Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig? Do the dolphins know about the pig?)
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread these crazy facts and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to, maybe even a chuckle. In other words, send it to everyone!
(and you gotta love that pig!)
(Hardly seems worth it)
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(WOW!)
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig)
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy!)
(I'm still not over the pig)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Don't try this at home, maybe at work)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
(Honey, I'm home. What the...?)
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes. Lucky pig! Can you imagine?)
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm.......)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing)
A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder how much the government paid to figure that out)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that)
Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that, too)
Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig? Do the dolphins know about the pig?)
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread these crazy facts and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to, maybe even a chuckle. In other words, send it to everyone!
(and you gotta love that pig!)
maandag 4 april 2011
dinsdag 29 maart 2011
Burnistoun Lift
Dit is wat er gebeurt als dingen, zoals in dit geval een lift, reageren op spraak, maar jij spreekt toevallig met een accent... in dit geval Schots. Maar hetzelfde geldt natuurlijk ook voor Gronings, Drents, enz.
Burnistoun zijn beroemd geworden door hun filmpjes op youtube, ze hebben nu een eigen programma aangeboden gekregen op BBC Scotland. Zoek op youtube naar Burnistoun als je meer van ze wilt zien ;-)
maandag 10 januari 2011
De Ierse Bankencrisis
Young Paddy bought a donkey from a farmer for £ 100.
The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day...
The next day he drove up and said: 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news. The donkey's died.'
Paddy replied: 'Well then just give me my money back.'
The farmer: 'Can't do that. I've already spent it.'
Paddy said: 'OK, then, just bring me the dead donkey.'
The farmer asked: 'What are you going to do with him?'
Paddy: 'I'm going to raffle him off.'
The farmer: 'You can't raffle a dead donkey!'
Paddy: 'Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'
A month later, the farmer met up with Paddy and asked: 'What happened with that dead donkey?'
Paddy said: 'I raffled him off.
I sold 500 tickets at two pounds a piece and made a profit of £ 898'
The farmer: 'Didn't anyone complain?'
Paddy: 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two pounds back.'
Paddy now works for Anglo Irish Bank...
The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day...
The next day he drove up and said: 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news. The donkey's died.'
Paddy replied: 'Well then just give me my money back.'
The farmer: 'Can't do that. I've already spent it.'
Paddy said: 'OK, then, just bring me the dead donkey.'
The farmer asked: 'What are you going to do with him?'
Paddy: 'I'm going to raffle him off.'
The farmer: 'You can't raffle a dead donkey!'
Paddy: 'Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'
A month later, the farmer met up with Paddy and asked: 'What happened with that dead donkey?'
Paddy said: 'I raffled him off.
I sold 500 tickets at two pounds a piece and made a profit of £ 898'
The farmer: 'Didn't anyone complain?'
Paddy: 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two pounds back.'
Paddy now works for Anglo Irish Bank...
dinsdag 4 januari 2011
Free Hugs
Met dank aan AnneRie voor het doorsturen, en een dikke knuffel van mij, voor jullie allemaal ;-)
vrijdag 24 december 2010
woensdag 8 december 2010
Für alle selbstbewußten Frauen und für die Männer die damit umgehen können!
Es war einmal in einem Land
Da sprang der Frosch in ihren Schoß und sagte: "Elegante Lady, einstmals war ich ein hübscher Prinz - bismich
der ich einmal war.
Dann, Süße, können wir heiraten, einen Haushalt im Schloß meiner Mutter führen, wo du meine Mahlzeiten bereitest, meine Wäsche wäschst und bügelst, meine Kinder gebärst und groß ziehst und damit glücklich bist, bis an das Ende deiner Tage."
An diesem Abend saß die Prinzessin leise lächelnd vor einem Glas Chardonnay und leckeren Froschschenkeln in einer leichten Zwiebel-Weißwein-Soße...;-)
Da sprang der Frosch in ihren Schoß und sagte: "Elegante Lady, einstmals war ich ein hübscher Prinz - bis
der ich einmal war.
Dann, Süße, können wir heiraten, einen Haushalt im Schloß meiner Mutter führen, wo du meine Mahlzeiten bereitest, meine Wäsche wäschst und bügelst, meine Kinder gebärst und groß ziehst und damit glücklich bist, bis an das Ende deiner Tage."
An diesem Abend saß die Prinzessin leise lächelnd vor einem Glas Chardonnay und leckeren Froschschenkeln in einer leichten Zwiebel-Weißwein-Soße...;-)
donderdag 18 november 2010
Fett
Jetzt weiß ich endlich wo mein Hüftspeck herkommt.
Wenn ich unter die Dusche gehe, benutze ich normalerweise immer noch den Rest vom Haar-Shampoo um mich einzuschäumen... aber heute habe ich mal gelesen was auf der Flasche steht:
Für extra Volumen und mehr Fülle...
SCHEISSE !!!
Kein Wunder, dass es mir so schwer fällt mein Gewicht zu kontrollieren. Ich werde ab sofort nur noch Geschirrspülmittel benutzen.... da steht drauf:
Entfernt auch hartnäckiges Fett..!
Wenn ich unter die Dusche gehe, benutze ich normalerweise immer noch den Rest vom Haar-Shampoo um mich einzuschäumen... aber heute habe ich mal gelesen was auf der Flasche steht:
Für extra Volumen und mehr Fülle...
SCHEISSE !!!
Kein Wunder, dass es mir so schwer fällt mein Gewicht zu kontrollieren. Ich werde ab sofort nur noch Geschirrspülmittel benutzen.... da steht drauf:
Entfernt auch hartnäckiges Fett..!
zondag 12 september 2010
In de Box
Weer zo'n leuke van Simon's Cat:
Verderweinig geen nieuws hier. Woensdag was ik een dagje bij dochter + kleinzoon, en zaterdag waren ze bij mij. Logan groeit nog steeds als kool. Hij kan nu steeds beter dingen vastpakken (en in zijn mondje stoppen), en hij lacht, kraait, blaast belletjes, en kletst heel wat af :-)
Ik ben steeds wat bezig met huishouden, aan het handelen op Marktplaats, en aan het gamen in Runes of Magic. Niets bijzonders dus om over te bloggen.
Vandaag wilde ikde stad het dorp in, daar is een Shantykoren festival met braderie en rommelmarkt. Maar al sinds ik uit bed ben regent het hier, dus dat gaat niet door. Naast dat ik geen zin heb om door die regen te fietsen, denk ik ook niet dat er veel aan kraampjes e.d. op is komen dagen met dit weer.
Straks maar weer eens breien denk ik... Van de kids heb ik een flinke stapel DVD's te leen gekregen, om te kijken tijdens het breien (zou dat een hint zijn?).
Verder
Ik ben steeds wat bezig met huishouden, aan het handelen op Marktplaats, en aan het gamen in Runes of Magic. Niets bijzonders dus om over te bloggen.
Vandaag wilde ik
Straks maar weer eens breien denk ik... Van de kids heb ik een flinke stapel DVD's te leen gekregen, om te kijken tijdens het breien (zou dat een hint zijn?).
zondag 5 september 2010
Daddy...how was I born?
A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?'
The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!
Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other.
There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:
You got Male!
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